Support Your Child’s Mental Wellness
Updated July 2023
Heading back to school is always a time of transition. Here are six tips to support your child’s mental wellness and help them prepare for the start of the school year.
TIP 1.
Shine a spotlight on what is within your child’s control.
As your child prepares for back-to-school, they may be feeling anxious or uncertain about what the school year will bring. This can leave a child feeling helpless and discouraged. A helpful way to deal with this is to help your child to identify areas where they have some control.
Look for ways to give your child the opportunity to make choices. It could be something as simple as deciding what they might like to wear on the first day of school or what foods they’d like to bring for lunch that first week.
TIP 2.
Recognize the comforting rhythm of routine.
Children find routines reassuring. They provide a comforting and predictable rhythm to daily living.
If you are the Parent of an Elementary-Aged Child
Give your child an opportunity to become familiar with their new routine before school actually begins. Some ideas to incorporate into your child’s routine include getting up at a particular time, getting washed and dressed for school, and eating breakfast.
If you are the Parent of a Youth/Teen
Ask your teen what their morning routine will be and if they will need anything from you. By asking, you encourage their independence and can offer help should they need it. It may be beneficial to write down any commitments you have both made for specific routines.
Children find routines reassuring. They provide a comforting and predictable rhythm to daily living.
If you are the Parent of an Elementary-Aged Child
Give your child an opportunity to become familiar with their new routine before school actually begins. Some ideas to incorporate into your child’s routine include getting up at a particular time, getting washed and dressed for school, and eating breakfast.
If you are the Parent of a Youth/Teen
Ask your teen what their morning routine will be and if they will need anything from you. By asking, you encourage their independence and can offer help should they need it. It may be beneficial to write down any commitments you have both made for specific routines.
TIP 2.
Recognize the comforting rhythm of routine.
TIP 3.
Help your child to learn about and understand any new rules.
Information is power. The more your child understands about the policies and procedures that will be in place in the classroom, or what to expect during the upcoming year, the more confident they will feel about heading back to school.
If you are the Parent of an Elementary-Aged Child
Talk about the importance of turning to trusted people if they need support at school. You can help your child identify who some of their safe people are.
If you are the Parent of a Youth/Teen
Talk about anything that might be new in the upcoming school year and ask your teen to identify any changes that might impact them and the family. The more you can involve your teen, the less it will seem like a lecture. Clarify with them what these changes mean and identify some places you can help out if they need it. Also, ask them how the family can talk about what is or isn’t working well.
TIP 4.
Encourage your child to ask lots of questions.
Children love to ask questions. In some cases, you may feel unsure about how to answer these questions—or there simply might not even be answers to your child’s questions. Do your best to give your child an idea of what to expect, and remind them that you are there to support them.
If you are the Parent of an Elementary-Aged Child
Help your child to make a running list of any questions they have about returning to school. Then, as you find answers to these questions, encourage your child to jot down the answers so that they can see that not everything is uncertain or unknown. This can help provide your child some reassurance.
If you are the Parent of a Youth/Teen
Encourage your teen to list questions they may have, both big and small; focusing on framing the question in as concrete a way as possible. They may want to rate them by importance to them. Encourage them to search out answers for anything that is available, focusing on what they feel is important. Try places like the school/board website to start with. If they need help getting started you could share neutral questions like “What will my new schedule look like?” “When will I know which cohort I am in?” Encourage them to find out what they can, and discuss the information, and why those are the sources that they trust.
Children love to ask questions. In some cases, you may feel unsure about how to answer these questions—or there simply might not even be answers to your child’s questions. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” That’s an honest way to respond—and you’re actually teaching your child an important lesson: that you don’t need to have all the answers in order to move forward. Do your best to give your child an idea of what to expect, and remind them that you are there to support them.
While you might feel like you’re letting your child down by not having answers, even asking the question allows a child to feel heard, and it gives you insights into what your child is thinking. It’s a great opportunity to connect with your child and talk through things together. You can ask them open-ended questions that are designed to spark discussion, such as:
- How do you feel about the way things are going at school?
- Tell me about getting to and from school. How is it different? Better? More challenging? What is challenging?
- Tell me about your friends/classmates. What are they saying about the way things are going at school?
- How is the schoolwork this year?
- What’s going on with your clubs/teams? What is different?
If you are the Parent of an Elementary-Aged Child
Help your child to make a running list of any questions they have about returning to school. Then, as you find answers to these questions, encourage your child to jot down the answers so that they can see that not everything is uncertain or unknown. This can help provide your child some reassurance.
If You are the Parent of a Youth/Teen
Encourage your teen to list questions they may have, both big and small; focusing on framing the question in as concrete a way as possible. They may want to rate them by importance to them. Encourage them to search out answers for anything that is available, focusing on what they feel is important. Try places like the school/board website to start with. If they need help getting started you could share neutral questions like “What will my new schedule look like?” “When will I know which cohort I am in?” Encourage them to find out what they can, and discuss the information, and why those are the sources that they trust.
Encourage them to find out what they can, and discuss the information, and why those are the sources that they trust.
TIP 4.
Encourage your child to ask lots of questions.
TIP 5.
Help your child to identify a safe person at school.
Every child needs a “safe person” at school—ideally it is someone they can trust, who knows them; someone they can turn to for help in solving a problem or dealing with a difficult situation. Speak to them about sharing with the teacher when they need a break, are feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, or if they are unsure of what is expected of them. These are essential life skills so this is a great moment to encourage them.
If you are the Parent of an Elementary-Aged Child
Speak to your child about the ways they can share any concerns they are having. Here is a moment to role play in an age appropriate way. “Mrs. Lake, I am not sure what I need to be doing right now, could you help me to make a plan?” or “Mrs. Lake, I am frustrated and I need help, could you please help me?” Help your child to select a few phrases that are comfortable and practice them.
If you are the Parent of a Youth/Teen
A teen is going to need to know when to ask for a break as opposed to when to ask for help. Ask them to write out some signs they see in themselves when they are frustrated and/or falling behind. Encourage them to think about how they could manage those moments or decide to ask for support. Remind them that we ALL need to ask for help at times. If possible, remind them of times they help you when you are frustrated, overwhelmed or unsure. This is a wonderful activity to do together and to compare what different family members find frustrating, overwhelming, etc., and what strategies you each use.
TIP 6.
Call on friends, peers, and classmates to help your child transition.
Interacting with friends, peers, and classmates at school can help children learn social skills. Encourage your child to reconnect with a few others from their school before school begins. If your child struggles with social interactions and/or peers check out tips for encouraging and supporting friendships during the school year.
If you are the Parent of an Elementary-Aged Child
Ask your child to identify a couple of friends they would like to talk to about their summer before school starts. Arrange (or monitor them arranging) some form of communication about their summer to allow a chance for sharing. This reminds them that they are part of a community!
If you are the Parent of a Youth/Teen
Check in with your child that they have a couple of people they can speak to about their summer and whom they expect to share their ‘news’ with at school. If possible, confirm that they have spoken to that friend before school begins and again soon afterward.
Interacting with friends, peers, and classmates at school can help children learn social skills. Encourage your child to reconnect with a few others from their school before school begins. If your child struggles with social interactions and/or peers check out tips for encouraging and supporting friendships during the school year.
If You are the Parent of an Elementary-Aged Child
Ask your child to identify a couple of friends they would like to talk to about their summer, before school starts. Arrange (or monitor them arranging) some form of communication about their summer to allow a chance for sharing. This reminds them that they are part of a community!
If You are the Parent of a Youth/Teen
Check in with your child that they have a couple of people they can speak to about their summer and whom they expect to share their ‘news’ with at school. If possible, confirm that they have spoken to that friend before school begins and again soon afterward.
TIP 6.
Call on friends, peers, and classmates to help your child transition.
Back to School Questions and Answers
How can we help kids with their social skills?
What are some tips for talking with my child?
Right now, what you can do is just have conversations. Don’t assume that your kids are okay; just open up some conversation and get an idea of where they are and how they’re feeling.
Sometimes just picking up natural opportunities to can talk can be really comforting because it doesn’t add a lot of pressure. So, if you are putting your groceries away, or you’re out in the community, bring up different topics, ie., this is so nice that we get to do this, or what are you going to miss most, what are you looking forward to? Use those kinds of questions or opportunities instead of sitting down and having a structured conversation. Read more…
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone.
If you are a parent/caregiver worried about your child, or a young person looking for help yourself – please reach out. Our network of child and youth mental health centres has 4,000 professionals ready to help children, youth and families with free counselling and treatment. We provide care in person, on the phone and virtually. No problem is too big or small.
Find your closest child and youth mental health centre.