Communicate
with Your Child
One of the most powerful ways you can support your child through the process of returning to school is by attempting to understand how they are feeling about the situation. Here are some questions that might help to spark some important back-to-school conversations between you and your child:
- In what ways do you think things will be different this year? What is likely to stay the same?
- What are you wondering about—and how might you find answers to those questions? How do you go about deciding which information sources you can trust and which ones you should choose to ignore?
- What is on your mind when you think about returning to school? What are you looking forward to and what are you concerned, frustrated, or even sad about?
- What are some challenges you might expect to encounter this year? How might we tackle some of those challenges as a family? What additional supports would you like to have put in place at school?
- Can you think of anything that would help to make school a really positive experience for you this year?
- What would things look like if everything was going really well or if everything was going wrong? What strategies could you use to get yourself back on track or to reach out for help if you felt like you were hitting a rough patch?
- When you think about tapping into support at school, who are you most likely to turn to for support, and why? Who are you least likely to turn to—and why? Are there systems and supports that worked last year that might not be available this year? What workarounds can we come up with to ensure that you’re able to access support when you need it?
Don’t forget to do your homework, too. If you make a point of learning as much as you can about what to expect in the upcoming school year, you’ll find it easier to help your child anticipate and work through any back-to-school related challenges.
Now that you have them talking, it’s important that you are listening – really listening!
Listening to what our children or youth are experiencing – and not criticizing – gives them an open space to talk about what’s going on or what are some of the questions or fears they have with this new school year.
When you give them a chance to be heard, they will probably be more likely to open up with you in the future, or to ask your support in problem-solving. You could let them know that it’s okay to feel this way and assure them that you’re going to get through this together.
Kids are more likely to talk to you about other things when you’re not just focusing on the problem or issue. When you’re a positive person who’s genuinely interested in who they are as a person and show interest in their activities, they’re more likely to come to you when they feel like they need help.
Sometimes when we are so busy with life and work, we are not always giving them our full attention when our kids talk to us. It’s ok to tell them something like: ‘I’m really busy right now, but how about after dinner, we come back together and talk about this because I really want to hear what you have to say.’ That way, they feel heard and know you want to connect with them.
Not every conversation with your child or youth needs to be a sit-down. Sometimes, our kids will speak more freely if we are doing something else at the same time, such as driving or playing a game.
Don’t be afraid to sit in the ‘yuck’ with them. Sometimes it’s ok to not have all the answers and tell them that. We have to have those conversations and be in the yuckiness of the unknown. It’s important that we be there, hold that space for them, allow them to feel those feelings and validate them.
Back to School Questions and Answers
What can we tell kids who are feeling uncertain about the start of the school year?
What does sit in the yuck mean?
What are some tips for talking with my child?
Right now, what you can do is just have conversations. Don’t assume that your kids are okay, just open up some conversation and get an idea of where they are and how they’re feeling.
Sometimes just picking up natural opportunities to can talk can be really comforting because it doesn’t add a lot of pressure. So, if you are putting groceries away, or you’re out in the community, bring up different topics, ie., this is so nice that we get to do this, or what are you going to miss most, what are you looking forward to? Use those kinds of questions, or opportunities instead of sitting down and having a structured conversation. Read more…
How can I communicate better with my child?
What is one tip you have for parents or caregivers to communicate better with their kids?
How can I start a conversation with a child who is struggling?
- Approaching your child with curiosity and beginning by how you imagine they might be feeling. So, it could be something like, “I’m wondering if you’re feeling worried about starting school this year.”
- Then offer validation (which is why you feel that they might be feeling this way. That could include: “I’m wondering if you’re worried about school, because it’s been so long since you’ve last been there, and because you don’t know who your teacher will be. And because new things are scary, sometimes.”
- Then move into how are you going to support your child and allow for some discussion around “what do you need, I’m here for you. We’re going get through this together.”
For more info about scripts to help your child click here.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone.
If you are a parent/caregiver worried about your child, or a young person looking for help yourself – please reach out. Our network of child and youth mental health centres has 4,000 professionals ready to help children, youth and families with free counselling and treatment. We provide care in person, on the phone and virtually. No problem is too big or small.
Find your closest child and youth mental health centre.