Back-to-School Tips for Parents
by Ann Douglas
We know that many parents are experiencing unprecedented stress and are worried about their kids’ mental wellness and the start of the school year. Understanding that parents’ stress can also contribute to children’s stress, it is critical that we support parents as families prepare for the transition back to school.
Back-to-School Parenting in a Pandemic is a guide written for parents to help make this uncertain situation a little less overwhelming. See more from CMHO’s Back-to-School Tool Kit.
It’s shaping up to be a school year like no other: a year when parents and kids are being asked to make sense a whole new set of rules for heading back to school. This is triggering a lot of added worry for parents and kids alike.
We’ve been hearing from a lot of parents in recent weeks. They’ve been telling us that they’re looking for some added support in dealing with the challenges of this one-of-a-kind school year. They’re wondering what they can do to make a tough situation a little easier for themselves and their kids. They’re looking for strategies for working through their own feelings of anxiety so that they can be a source of support and reassurance to their kids.
That’s why we wrote this article: to suggest some strategies for making a strange and uncertain situation feel a little less overwhelming for you and your kids.
What you and your kids may be worrying about most right now
Are you and your kids feeling extra anxious about back-to-school season this year? It’s not just you. In recent weeks, we’ve been hearing from a lot of parents and kids who are feeling really worried. In fact, we recently surveyed over 600 parents about their back-to-school worries and concerns. Here’s what we learned from that survey.
- Parents are finding this particular back-to-school season more stressful than usual, whether they’re children will be returning to the classroom on a full-time or part-time basis or participating in remote learning from home.
- Parents whose children will be returning to the classroom are worried about how their children’s mental health will be affected by the ongoing stress of the pandemic plus the new stresses posed by the return to school. They told us that their children are worried about the possibility of contracting COVID-19 themselves and possibly spreading it to family members; and they’re worried about coping with changes to the usual school experience—changes mandated by new pandemic safety protocols.
- Parents whose children will be returning to the classroom are worried about how their children’s mental health will be affected by the ongoing stress of the pandemic plus the new stresses posed by the return to school. They told us that their children are worried about the possibility of contracting COVID-19 themselves and possibly spreading it to family members; and they’re worried about coping with changes to the usual school experience—changes mandated by new pandemic safety protocols.
- Parents of children who are struggling with mental health or behavioral challenges have some additional worries as well as they thinking about sending their children back into the classroom. They are concerned that teachers may find it difficult to provide the comfort and support that their children may require as they transition back to school; and that their children may find it difficult to comply with the need to wear masks and/or challenging to communicate effectively with their teachers when everyone is wearing masks.
- Parents who are planning to support their children’s learning remotely are worried about how the decision to support remote learning will impact on their children’s academic learning and social relationships, including family relationships. Many families found that remote learning was not only rather ineffective back in the spring: it was actually a source of considerable stress for themselves and their children.
“I worry about being judged by friends/family/others because we are sending our son to school full-time. Many only think about physical health and don’t consider the fact that our son has a chronic mental illness and that staying home is worse for him than the moderate risk of him contracting COVID-19.”
Strategies for managing your own anxiety about back-to-school season
Looking for a way to make a difference for your kids as they work through their worries about heading back to school? Start by calming yourself. Working through your own feelings of anxiety will make it easier for you to support and reassure your child. Here are some strategies that other parents have found helpful for getting to that place of calm.
Accept the fact that things are likely to be uncertain for a while. The COVID-19 situation is constantly changing, which means we are being required to shift our expectations on an ongoing basis. This requires flexible thinking and a willingness to tolerate uncertainty—because none of us has all the answers right now.
Acknowledge whatever it is you’re feeling as opposed to trying to deny or bury that emotion. As much as you might be tempted to bury or run from uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, it’s much less emotionally and cognitively draining to simply accept and acknowledge that emotion head on. You’ll find it easier to do this if you remind yourself that feelings come and go, like clouds moving across the sky. Sure, you’re feeling anxious right now, but this emotion won’t stick around forever. It just feels that way right now.
Look for opportunities to meet your own needs as opposed to just endlessly giving to other people. Parents have been shouldering a massive load in recent months and the situation isn’t likely to ease up anytime soon. That’s why it’s more important than ever to take the best possible care of yourself. Self-care doesn’t have to be a huge or complicated thing: it can be as simple as taking a few minutes to engage in an activity that you enjoy or to connect with someone who understands and cares about you; or it might mean ensuring that your body is getting what it needs to function at its best: nourishing food, adequate sleep, and opportunities for movement. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation!
“I am very apprehensive about my son going back to school. Due to all of our past experiences, it’s hard for me not to assume that things will go wrong and that we’ll end up back in a bad place with our son. I have to look at the positive though and remind myself that my son has matured a lot over the past couple of years. The past is the past. We are allowing ourselves to look forward to the future.”
Accept the fact that things are likely to be uncertain for a while. The COVID-19 situation is constantly changing, which means we are being required to shift our expectations on an ongoing basis. This requires flexible thinking and a willingness to tolerate uncertainty—because none of us has all the answers right now.
Acknowledge whatever it is you’re feeling as opposed to trying to deny or bury that emotion. As much as you might be tempted to bury or run from uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, it’s much less emotionally and cognitively draining to simply accept and acknowledge that emotion head on. You’ll find it easier to do this if you remind yourself that feelings come and go, like clouds moving across the sky. Sure, you’re feeling anxious right now, but this emotion won’t stick around forever. It just feels that way right now.
Look for opportunities to meet your own needs as opposed to just endlessly giving to other people. Parents have been shouldering a massive load in recent months and the situation isn’t likely to ease up anytime soon. That’s why it’s more important than ever to take the best possible care of yourself. Self-care doesn’t have to be a huge or complicated thing: it can be as simple as taking a few minutes to engage in an activity that you enjoy or to connect with someone who understands and cares about you; or it might mean ensuring that your body is getting what it needs to function at its best: nourishing food, adequate sleep, and opportunities for movement. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation!
Strategies for supporting and reassuring your child
Looking for ways to meet the needs of a child who is trying to cope with feelings of anxiety about heading back to school? Here are a few tips.
Accept and validate your child’s emotions. Let your child know that their feelings make sense (“Everyone is feeling a bit anxious and uncertain right now. It makes sense that you would be feeling that way, too”) and make sure your child understands that there’s no such thing as a “bad” or “wrong” emotion. It’s okay to be feeling whatever it is they’re feeling.
Look for opportunities to address your child’s specific worries and concerns in an age-appropriate way. This might mean helping them to find answer to their biggest questions or role-playing particular scenarios that are causing them undue stress. You might also want to encourage them to zero in on coping strategies that have worked well for them in the past. They might want to work those strategies again.
Remind your child that they can turn to other people for support, both at home and at school. They don’t have to handle this on their own. If your child has some special needs (perhaps an underlying mental health issue or behavioral challenge), ask your child’s school what strategies they recommend for easing your child’s transition back to school. Maybe it might make sense for your child to start school before or after their peers—or to initially attend school for just a couple of hours at a time.
Recognize the opportunity you are being given in this moment. The literature on resilience is clear: children are capable of weathering even the stormiest of storms if they can rely on the love and support of at least one caring adult. You have the opportunity to be that person—an emotional anchor in an otherwise stormy sea.
TIP:
Feel like you and your child would benefit from some added support right now? You’re certainly in good company. Four out of five parents who responded to our most recent parent survey told us that they were open to the idea of reaching out to a child and youth mental health centre for support. In terms of the specific supports they are seeking, they told us that they are interested in in-personal appointments and virtual appointments with a clinician or therapist; peer support from other families who are grappling with the same kinds of worries and concerns; and access to online articles, webinars, and other information highlighting strategies for coping with the challenges of back-to-school time.
“We are working hard as a family to prepare our son mentally for going back to school. We are trying to normalize it and point out the positive aspects, while acknowledging that it will be hard for our son to go back to school after such a long break. This is a unique situation that none of us have been in before, so it’s important for all of us, as a family, to remain open and to continue to talk about the challenges and validate them.”
Back To School Mental Health Kit
While back-to-school is hard for most children and youth in a normal year, this year our kids and their families are facing extraordinary circumstances relating to the pandemic and infection control measures. To help, Children’s Mental Health Ontario has prepared a Back-to-School Tool Mental Health Kit with resources and tips.
Look for tips, resources and information to help parents and caregivers.
Survival Guide
Practical tips and information to prioritize your own wellness and start making things better for you and your family.
Parenting in a Pandemic
Parenting in the midst of a pandemic is challenging, especially for parents of kids struggling with mental illness.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone.
If you are a parent/caregiver worried about your child, or a young person looking for help yourself – please reach out. Our network of child and youth mental health centres has 4,000 professionals ready to help children, youth and families with free counselling and treatment. We provide care in person, on the phone and virtually. No problem is too big or small.
Find your closest child and youth mental health centre.