Acknowledge the Challenge
Acknowledging any challenges your child and family might face in the upcoming school year will help you ensure that your expectations of your child are realistic.
Be hopeful and optimistic, but also realistic about what may be possible for your child. The best way to support your child’s academic learning is to make their mental health a priority, even if that means putting school or academics on the backburner temporarily. What matters most is the health and wellbeing of your child.
Read more about Navigating School to Support Your Child With Mental Health Challenges.
Navigating School to Support Your Child With Mental Health Challenges.
Help your child to ease back into school-year routines. Routines are important. They help us to feel grounded and secure. When transitioning back to a school-year routine, you might want to tackle it in stages, gradually shifting bedtimes and wakeup times, dialing back the amount of screen time, and ensuring that mealtimes are happening at predictable times.
Know that you’re not alone in feeling anxious during back-to-school time. A lot of parents feel the same way. One way to manage that worry is by reaching out to other people for support—perhaps chatting with a friend via a Zoom call or joining your local Parents for Children’s Mental Health chapter or the Children’s Mental Health Ontario Facebook Group.
It’s important to recognize the important role that you, as the adult, have to play in setting the emotional tone for your child and your family.
It’s important to acknowledge the fact that not every kid is going to be excited during back-to-school. Some might even experience a heightened level of school refusal and/or separation anxiety.
Express confidence in your child’s ability to handle challenges. Remind your child that they’ve been through hard things before and they managed to make it through—and that they don’t have to handle this on their own. There are people who care about them, both at home and at school. We can weather the challenges together.
Back to School Questions and Answers
My child has become more aggressive in school, what can I do?
When it comes to aggression, it’s important to set boundaries, and let the child know what is not accepted – hitting, screaming that sort of thing, but also let them know what they can do, where can they go to come down. What can they do? Who can they talk to? It’s very important that you reinforce what they can do. Also important is talking to them about their feelings, and it can be all sorts of feelings because anger really takes over when a child doesn’t know how to address the underlying feelings. Giving them some words to describe different feelings – maybe they feel lost, lonely, scared, anything like that, when you get to those feelings you can help them problem solve more effectively. They feel heard, they feel that they’ve been able to really understand what’s going on and they’re getting the help to do what’s right, and instead of getting angry.
I’m worried my son doesn’t want to go to school because he has no friends
First off, I would validate the feelings that come with having no friends, such as fear and loneliness. Second, I would talk to your son about making this year an opportunity rather than a bad situation he has to face for the entire school year. You can talk to your son about what makes a good friend and then play a game where he is a detective and it is his job to find a peer that he would like to befriend. Once he’s identified that peer, you can support him by coaching him and giving him challenges every day and debriefing after school. He might not make a forever friend on the first day, but he can practice his social skills until he finds a match! – Karene from EveryMind.ca. Read more on School Relationships.
How can I help my child with clinginess and anxiety before school?
If your child is clingy before school, it’s important to set up a routine where you’re saying, a nice goodbye but it’s not a lingering goodbye. Also, you’re not getting to school too early so that she has time to cling to you or your child has time to cling to you and worrying about what’s to come. It’s important also that you involve a teacher, they’re very used to these types of things, and they will help your child at just as they come into the classroom – Karene, EveryMind
More tips below from Kathy at Hands The Family Help Network:
- Normalize your child’s feelings and let them know that it’s perfectly understandable to be nervous, especially when there’s something new or if it’s a change.
- Help them with healthy distractions. For example, in the morning, if they’re already for school, get them enlisted and helping with whatever you need help with.
- Let them know that you’re going to be there to pick them up at a certain time and it’s important that you be on time!
- If it’s a younger child, give them a favorite object they can bring from home to school
- Give them something to look forward to at school and at home, ie, looking forward to eating lunch with their friends, and coming home and watching a favorite show with you or their brother or sister when they get home.
My child is crying a lot at drop-off, what can I do?
I think, for any parent, it’s really hard to see our child’s distress. It’s really important to try to stay regulated yourself. Be matter-of-fact and remind yourself that your child is learning how to manage their emotions as they’re separated from you – and that’s a good thing. Everything is going to be okay, and they’re probably going to settle shortly after you leave. – Kathy at Hands The Family Help Network
My four-year-old daughter is very hands on and is hitting and kicking other kids to get what she wants. I've already heard from school, what can I do?
I think it’s common for adults to focus and notice behaviors, and sometimes we forget that behavior is communication and it’s important to try to help your child, label the feelings that are motivating the behavior. So, an example would be to say: ‘you seem like you’re feeling very frustrated right now’ and then to connect with them before you correct them. Ask them if there’s something you can do to help. It would be important to be sure that you’re very clear about what is the expected behavior.
We can’t assume that kids do know what they’re supposed to do at all times and also that they have problem-solving skills. That’s a skill that is learned over time.
And when they’re calm, that is a great time to teach alternative coping skills, ie, ask them ‘when you were mad at your friend, how could we have handled that differently, what else could we try.’ I would ignore negative behavior as much as possible as long as there’s no safety concerns. – Kathy at Hands The Family Help Network
I’m worried for my 12yo daughter who is back in school for first time since initial lockdown in March 2020. The last 18 months have been extremely stressful and exhausting for us…How can I encourage her to talk with someone (she says she can’t talk to a stranger about stuff and that she can just talk to me, but I know my anger and frustration with her dad is skewing the way I handle this constant conflict)?
How to help my kid feel safe again after experiencing couple years of bullying?
Here are some tips from Sofia, a youth and family counsellor at Every Mind.
- Try to encourage your child to acknowledge when they feel triggered, this includes noticing and communicating their feelings and/or body sensations to you or someone they trust (e.g. a friend or a teacher). Connecting body sensations with feelings can be very helpful since body sensations are more concrete experiences. Remind your child that it’s ok to feel this way.
- Invite your child to have a safe object and space (at school and at home). Encourage your child to hold their safe object when feeling a strong feeling, body sensation/discomfort or when they are by themselves. This can help them to build inner resources so they can rely on themselves to feel safe.
- Practice rehearsing with your child situations where they may encounter bullying or similar experiences. Introduce a case scenario and ask your child questions around how they can address these kinds of situations, e.g. what can you say to someone who says or does this — to you? By practicing how to deal with stressful situations/interactions, your child can develop self-confidence and learn to manage triggering situations.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone.
If you are a parent/caregiver worried about your child, or a young person looking for help yourself – please reach out. Our network of child and youth mental health centres has 4,000 professionals ready to help children, youth and families with free counselling and treatment. We provide care in person, on the phone and virtually. No problem is too big or small.
Find your closest child and youth mental health centre.